Understanding and Resolving Friction Points with Communication

Understanding and Resolving Friction Points with Communication

To foster successful personal or professional relationships, we must focus on the quality and effectiveness of our communication. Yet, despite our best intentions, misunderstandings often arise. These missteps usually stem not from a lack of effort but from differences in how people express themselves and interpret others. Not only that, how we perceive information and how people interact with us can also be influenced by current life situations and a lifetime of building patterns. Many factors come into play, even with the simplest forms of communication. Yet, when was the last time you sat down and contemplated how you communicate with others?

One of the most impactful ways of creating trust and preventing unnecessary friction is by continuously improving how we relate to others. In this post, we will explore common friction points in communication and offer practical solutions to help create more meaningful communication and connections. Although this is not an exhaustive list, it should provide a framework for improving our communication.

1. Conflicts with Different Communication Styles

Everyone has a unique way of communicating, which has been built and based on a lifetime of experiences. Some individuals prefer direct communication, valuing clarity and straightforwardness. Others lean towards an indirect approach, focusing on the emotions, thoughts, and feelings of others and themselves. There are extroverted people who love the spotlight and building relationships, and there are problem solvers who would instead focus on the facts and data rather than other people’s emotions. These differing styles can cause confusion or frustration, especially when certain communication styles collide or are not utilized in the best situations.

Imagine you are attending an engagement meeting for a client with many moving parts and tight deadlines. Suppose the engagement leader tends to be a direct communicator. In that case, their primary focus might be to keep taskings moving forward. The engagement leader might tell the engagement team, “We have to hit every milestone and deliverable date to keep the client satisfied. This is non-negotiable and needs to be our main focus.” This approach can be effective since it ensures clarity about expectations and importance, but it can also feel combative or dismissive to others, especially if they perceive the tone as too sharp or authoritarian.

On the other hand, a more empathetic engagement leader might say, “It’s important that everyone feels confident about the deadlines we’re setting. Does anyone see any potential challenges?” This approach prioritizes inclusivity and collaboration, making sure every voice is heard. However, it can slow decision-making, create confusion about priorities, or result in “too many cooks in the kitchen” as differing opinions flood the conversation.

This raises an important question: How can we prevent communication breakdowns when encountering various communication styles? The first thing we can do is embrace and value everyone’s mixture of communication styles. There is no one “right” communication style for all situations. Having people with different communication styles can make the team run more efficiently since the strength of some of the team members might be the weakness of others, and vice versa. For example, direct people are usually effective at keeping engagements moving quickly; however, they can also be prone to overlooking details and discounting the feelings of others. Instead of filling a team with other people with a similar communication style, adding someone to the team who is detail-oriented would be more beneficial to ensure that nothing falls through the cracks. It would also be helpful to have another member on the team who can connect with others and make sure that the thoughts and feelings of others are heard. A team can truly become more robust and productive when each member combines their strengths and obtains a common acknowledgment and respect for what each team member brings.

You might also need to adopt different communication styles, in whole or part, depending on the situation, to avoid friction. For example, when leading a brainstorming session, you might adopt a collaborative and open-ended style to encourage participation instead of a direct, concise, and “my way or the highway” approach. You might also try to blend different communication styles to meet the desired outcome. For example, you can combine the clarity of direct communication with the inclusivity of indirect approaches by setting clear expectations for decision-making while allowing space for input. For example, using a phrase like, “We need to make a decision by Friday, but I want to ensure we’ve considered everyone’s perspective before finalizing,” builds rapport and demonstrates emotional intelligence and respect for others’ preferences.

It may be easy to criticize others for having a different way of communicating or to take things personally when they are not intended to be. Instead of jumping to conclusions, we should reframe how we perceive other people’s communication styles and look for their potential value. By shifting our perspective, we can move from a mindset of judgment to one of curiosity and appreciation. This approach fosters greater understanding, reduces unnecessary tension, and builds a foundation for more productive and meaningful interactions.

2. Communicating About What is Going on in Our Lives

In today’s world, the line between our personal and professional lives has become more and more blurred. Events that affect us deeply—such as the loss of a loved one, illness, or divorce—can easily spill over into our work lives, influencing how we communicate and interact with others. While sharing every detail of our personal lives with coworkers is unnecessary, withholding key information can lead to misunderstandings and breakdowns in communication.

Imagine a scenario where a colleague struggles to meet deadlines and is unusually withdrawn during team meetings. Suppose this individual is dealing with a significant personal issue, such as caring for a sick family member. In that case, their behavior may make more sense. Without context, their peers might assume they are disengaged or uncommitted, leading to frustration or tension within the team.

Withholding important information, even in a professional environment, can lead to misunderstandings. On the other hand, being open—within one’s comfort level—can promote empathy and connection among team members. For example, a colleague might share, “I’m currently facing some difficulties at home, which might impact my concentration. I’ll strive to stay on track, but I’d be grateful for your patience if I appear preoccupied.” This kind of openness enables others to modify their expectations and provide the necessary support.

We should also consider how our daily habits can create friction with the rest of our team. For example, let’s say you like to go to the gym at 1 PM since the gym you go to is substantially less crowded then. However, if you simply leave for the gym without informing your team or engagement leader, it could appear that you are leaving work early or unavailable when needed. This lack of communication can lead to frustration or annoyance, especially if someone is trying to reach you. By communicating with your team that you will be at the gym during this time period or proactively sharing your schedule, such as saying, “I’ll be stepping out for a quick gym session at 1 PM and will be back by 2 PM,” you can avoid misunderstandings and foster better collaboration. Small acts of transparency like this can prevent minor issues from escalating and show respect for your team’s time and expectations.

Communication in the workplace thrives when individuals balance professionalism with genuine human connection. By sharing appropriate information and being attentive to others, teams can strengthen their bonds and work through challenges more easily.

3. Are We Giving and Receiving Information Well?

One of the primary goals of communication is to ensure that the message conveyed by the speaker is accurately received and understood by the listener. Miscommunication often arises when either the speaker fails to articulate their message clearly, or the listener does not fully engage in the process of understanding. To bridge this gap, both parties must take active roles—the speaker must strive to be clear and concise, and the listener must practice active listening.

Imagine a team meeting where a manager explains a project update using jargon unfamiliar to some team members. While the speaker intends to demonstrate expertise, a portion of the team might leave the meeting confused and unsure about their next steps. On the other hand, if the listener is distracted or fails to ask clarifying questions, key details can be missed.

Active listening requires focused attention and engagement with the speaker. This includes maintaining eye contact, nodding in acknowledgment, and using verbal affirmations like, “I understand” or “Can you elaborate?”. Meanwhile, the speaker can aid understanding by using understandable language, structuring their points logically, and pausing occasionally to invite questions or feedback.

Clear communication also involves feedback loops. For instance, a team member might say to their manager, “Just to confirm, you want me to prioritize completing the partnership tax returns that we just discussed, and you’d like me to provide you the draft of these returns by Friday afternoon, correct?” This ensures alignment on priorities and timelines, clarifies expectations, and reduces the likelihood of confusion or missed deadlines. These practices of clarity and active listening are essential in professional and personal settings where the accuracy of information directly impacts outcomes.

At the end of the day, our ultimate goal is to better understand ourselves and those we communicate with. When we make the effort to be clear, empathetic, and open, we create opportunities to build trust, reduce misunderstandings, and foster stronger, more meaningful relationships.